Pumpkin cream cheese cake with maple toffee sauce
Exactly 4 weeks ago my husband left me and I am no longer "Another wife". I am no longer anybody's wife and partner.
What I am is another woman who has been left by her husband with 2 small children in a foreign country on the Jewish new year's day, 2 days before an operation.
Another single mother.
My cousine said to me a couple of days ago "can't someone shake him, tell him, listen, you got a wife and two kids, WAKE UP!". This kid is 18 years old and has more common sense and responsibility than the man who just a month ago... well, was still here.
If he thinks he can have a chance at happiness without me, without the family he build, good luck to him. Show me one man on the face of this planet who found happiness after breaking his family apart.
A friend of mine (Thank you, Ziv, there are no friends like you!) told me that a good father is a good father not only to his children, but a good partner to their mother.
I can't bring myself to change the writing under the photo, as I can't bring myself to melt my wedding ring, throw away his photos and the letters he wrote me or call my bedroom "my" instead of "our".
I am taking baby steps, learning like a baby, like baby Ben does.
Slowly I am coming back to life, because let's face it, when someone dumps you it feels like they punched you in the stomach and you can't breathe anymore.
The mixer is working again in my kitchen, the oven is on, dishes are being piled to be washed, Alon is playing and shouting around the flat with Dusty, Ben is laughing. The sounds and sights and smells of my new life.
I didn't choose this life, it has been forced on me.
I wanted a family for my children and I wanted a family for myself. I still want that, but I am starting to understand that the responsibility of creating and maintaining this family as a family is mine only, a task that till now I shared with someone else. I was a part of a team and now I am team Noa :)
I won't lie, there is a certain freedom to it, because the boys and I have all ready started to create our own little customes and routines which are just ours and that's what families do. I don't know why people are so afraid of small routines within the family, what's so wrong about experiencing the people you share your life with again and again?
My family of four has gone down by one and it will take time, but the three of us will always be together and we will be fine, even if it's sometimes hard for me to remember.
I guess I didn't pick well or I did and somehow along the way it got messed up, I will never know, but I know that when the smoke clears little happiness will find its way through (there's a crack in everything, said Leonard Cohen the greatest) and Alon, Ben and I will be happy, we will be a little family, having pizza night once a week and watching "frozen" every bloody week, we will light the candles every Shabat, we will go for walks in the forest, we will eat too much ice cream and invent silly songs.
We will be happy, with or without him because there is simply no other option.
1 cup oats
1/2 cup flour
1tsp bicarbonate of soda
1/4tsp baking powder
1/3 cup maple syrup
1tbsp coconut oil
1/2 cup milk
For the pumpkin batter:
130g cream cheese
1/4 cup maple syrup
2/3 cup pumpkin puree*
3tbsp tapioca flour
For the cream cheese topping:
230g cream cheese
70g butter, melted and left to cool
vanilla pod, deseeded
3tbsp maple syrup
For the toffee sauce:
1/4 cup cream
1/4 cup maple syrup
*I made the pumpkin puree myself. I cleaned a pumpkin, cooked it in water till soft and then I blended it smooth.
In a bowl mix all the base ingredients and flatten in a 28x18cm square baking form.
Mix all the pumpkin batter ingredients and spread equally above the base.
Bake for 50 minutes, turn off the oven and leave the cake inside to cool.
When it has cool down mix the cream cheese topping ingredients and spread over the pumpkin cake.
Leave in the fridge for 3 hours to set.
To make the maple toffee sauce bring the maple syrup to a boil. Add the cream and keep on stirring constantly till it reduces and thickens.
You can cut the cake first and then drizzle the sauce or you can drizzle it on top of it and then cut.