Apple purée cake
Time to recover.
A few days ago I was talking to Ziv, my friend, who has been my rock throughout this stupid period and we were talking about how the shock is still there and how almost every time we talk on the phone we end up talking about the "new situation" and what happened. Then I said to him that maybe it all comes down to a switch in our head, maybe I just need to turn the god damn thing and be ok again.
We compared it to starting a diet or quit smoking. All it takes is to make the decision in yourself with yourself and then you can do it, right? How is different than the "new situation"?
It's just a switch in the head and every day it turns a bit and a bit more. One day, very soon, I will wake up and I would be able to switch it completely. I would be able to say the hell with him, it's him who is going to wake up one day and realize he doesn't have a family, it's him who is going to realize that no woman out there is perfect (and who would be happy to cope with his lack of communication) and on the other side will be me, who moved on.
This can be the end of things but it can be an opprotunity, a beginning. Funny enough that's a sentence I said to my ex while trying to convince him that we can work on things and that this crisis can be an opprotunity for us to fix things and have a better relationship. This time I say it to myself, it's an opprotunity for me to be what I want to be, it's my opprotunity to create a family unit the way I wanted it to look like, I can design my house how I want it to look like, I can spread my wings!
I have one less person to look after, that's a lot of energy that can go somewhere good!
I did want to look after him, I enjoyed being someone's wife, his wife, but if he doesn't want me to then think about all the new things I can invest in! And I am deciding about it all by myself!
I forgot there are good sides to being single, lol.
If I am being honest I am still in a place that I would like to go back to being his wife, but I can slowly see I am leaving this place, I am not going to wait and hope forever. At some point the switch will be turned, my new life will start and he will have no place in it anymore.
That day is not far. Like smoking, you just gotta stop 'cause it's not good for you.
Yes, I talked again about him leaving me, but the time I feel sorry for myself is gone. This could be a gift, I just need to choose to look at it like that.
1/2 cup oil
2 cups flour
1/4 tsp salt
2tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1/2 tsp nutmeg
5 medjool dates, stoned and chopped
Mix the apple purée, oil and egg in a big bowl.
In another bowl mix all the dry ingredients together and mix the chopped dates inside so they are covered with flour.
Mix the dry and wet ingredients together and pour into a greased loaf tin.
Bake for approx. 50 minutes.