Café au Lait cake
I wonder if people were asking how am I doing when my parents got divorced.
It's true, isn't it? Kids suffer from this situation the most. I think most people, parents themselves can't even understand the damage that is being done to kids in this situation.
I even go as far as saying that even children who both their parents decided to end a relationship, who still decide to parent together as much as they can, even they are damaged.
What kind of example are we giving our children when we quit? I mean, a kid who is having a hard time mastering a new skill is being constantly encouraged to keep on trying.
But we quit, or at least some of us do. Some of us decide that we can't anymore, we don't feel like it anymore, we are not happy, we don't love anymore.
But let's think about it for a second.
We made a decision to have children, which means we took a huge responsibility on our shoulders. It might even be that we make this decision too early, we might be with no money in our pockets when we make this decision, we might be unreasonable, madly in love, whatever. But we made it. This responsibility stays for ever, I am sure everyone agrees on that.
But what about the responsibility one makes towards the other person, the other parent? This is one decision that has no way back. It's not a house one can put on the market, it's not things one can sell, it's not photos one can throw away, it's not even memories which slowly get forgotten. This child is there, always there.
when giving up on our partners, with whom we made a joint life changing decision, those that there was something which brought us together to have these children in the first place, we are not only giving up on them, we are giving up on our children. We are quitting.
To say I don't love, I can't anymore, I am not happy... these are things children say, not adults who decided to have them.
To say I don't try anymore is quitting and that's what our children will learn from it.
Of course there are relationships that are not worth saving. Where there is abuse or violence, going in different ways (as far away as possible) is the best way forward, but for 2 adults having a normal family, well, walking away is just being lazy.
We teach our children to quit, to be lazy, to walk away from responsibility. The example we give them is that it's ok to take your partner's life in your hands, play with it a bit and then throw it away. What kind of relationship people are they going to grow up to be?
The lucky thing that saves us all is that most kids stay with their mothers, who tend to be the stronger link.
I know I did what I could, I know I wanted to fight, I know I tried as much as I could and this is what will give me the strength to teach my boys to become loving and responsible men. I will teach them it's not ok to quit, the same as I didn't quit. I will teach them you don't just make a commitment to someone and then walk away from it, not when you loved that person so much you had children with him or her.
You try, you fight, you find the love again and most important, you understand that love is a pretty childish word - friendship, respect, caring - these are the basis of a good relationship. It always starts with love but it always evolves to be something more than that (and no, not less. The fact there is no love there like in the beginning doesn't mean something is lost, something was actually added).
Hopefully my boys will grow up to be the men their father couldn't be and they will be men like men SHOULD be, like people in general should be.
Some of you will disagree with what I wrote. I know that sometimes people feel they drown in a relationship and the only way to feel better again is to go away. I respect that, but I choose to disagree.
When you drown you will only stay alive if you get help.
3tsp instant coffee powder (you can skip it if you want just a milk cake)
110g butter, melted and cooled
3/4 cups flour
3/4 cups maple syrup (165ml)
3/4 cups coconut, desiccated
Warm the milk in a sauce pan with the instant coffee so the powder melts.
Mix all the ingredients together well.
Pour the mixture to a 28x18cm square form.
Bake for 40 minutes and if the cake is not ready continue baking.
Cool a bit and cut into pieces.