Vegan orange cheesecake (GF, vegan)
Three weeks ago I gave birth to the most amazing baby in the world. I know, I know, every mother says this sentence at least once, but in my case I really mean it!
He looks exactly like our first boy, Alon, and it was funny when he came out and was put in my arms, I felt like I am reliving the birth of Alon all over again and that someone has just put Alon in my arms for the second time.
He has grown a bit since that night; crying, eating, sleeping, he is a busy little bee.
With this flood of joy there is sadness, because this happiness didn't happen for me the first time around (is it actually allowed to say that out loud?) and that brings a lot of guilt with it.
It took me about a year till I felt like myself again and I could start connecting to that little bundle.
Don't judge me. I took care of him, I did my best, but I felt detached like only someone who suffered from PPD can understand. I wanted so much to be the mother from the magazine, I wanted to mean what I said when I said he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I just couldn't.
PPD digs the hole in the ground for you, throws you in there and starts burying you slowly but surly.
I am lucky it's all behind me. When the PPD was gone I was free to really see the boy I had and what a special little person he grew up to be.
If children teach us anything is that you can't bring back time. Now I try to enjoy Ben as much as I can for as long as I can, cherish every nappy, every night waking when yes, I am tired but my little baby smells like a newborn and makes the sounds angles do.
I thank god every moment this time around it's not the PPD that came, but the amazing joy everyone else are talking about.
Ben, my son, thank you, because without you I wouldn't get a second chance and without you I wouldn't know what I've missed and without you I would be a total different mother, a little bit less of a mother.
135g dates, without stones
a pinch of salt
For the filling:
400g cashew nuts, soaked in water over night
2tbsp cocoa powder
120ml boiled water
zest from one organic orange
150ml agave syrup
90g coconut oil
cocoa powder, for sprinkling
On the bottom of your serving plate or cake form sprinkle coconut. The rest of it put in a food processor together with the walnuts, dates and salt and mix till it turns into a sticky paste. Press it down evenly in your cake tin or ring.
To make the filling melt the cocoa powder in the boiling water.
Put all ingredients in the food processor and mix on very high speed till the mixture is smooth and resembles a cheesecake filling.
Spread the filling evenly on the base and freeze for a few hours.
Remove the cake ring or the spring form and let the cake thaw in the fridge.
Sprinkle with cocoa powder on top.